RHItarded

The beginning.

This is my story about food, addiction and changing your life.

I am 29 years old and I was born in Rochester, NY. I was named after a Fleetwood Mac song. When I was 11 years old, my doctor placed me on Prozac. He said that I was depressed, but I wasn’t. When the side effects turned suicidal, and I attempted to take my life, I was switched to Paxil. Then Zoloft. Then Risperdal. Then Wellbutrin. Then Lithium. All before I was 13 years old. Paxil caused me to get lock-jaw, Risperdal caused me to hallucinate. I was a test subject for the effects of different anti-depressants and SSRIs for children. The results were permanent damage to my seratonin receptors. All the while, no one noticed that I was a diabetic. At age 12, I tested in the 300 range fasting for blood glucose. But my doctor was more concerned about testing psychological drugs for my diabetes symptoms than to notice my glucose levels were elevated. At age 13, I was written a prescription for Metformin, a diabetic medication, that was never filled. The instructions given to my mother at the time were that the anti-psychotics would be better for me than a ‘feel good pill’ like metformin.

It wasn’t until I was in my early 20s that I even became aware that I had diabetes, when an infection nearly cost me my leg. The first time I tested my blood sugar, it was over 500 - I had no idea that was high. I didn’t even understand what the number meant, I didn’t understand what blood sugar was or how it effected the body. Soon after realizing I was diabetic, an infection started in my face. Within hours, it took over the soft tissues and began to eat through the bone. I was swollen, disfigured, out of work and on a PICC line - an at-home IV that kept me sedated with heavy antibiotics and pain medication. 

I then began to realize just how serious diabetes was.

It’s been five years since then and I’ve learned a lot. I have an addictive personality and lasting effects from childhood drug testing. The past four years I have not been able to work successfully. I often become ill and it costs me my job. But I’m not going to go through this suicide anymore. My diabetes type is rare, it’s a 1.5 type called brittle diabetes. It is effected by more than just food. Mood can attribute to blood sugars raising up more than a slice of cake. But that doesn’t mean a slice of cake is good, the obvious rules of it apply. Bad food = unhealthy. That’s a universal. 

In addition to having diabetes, I also have hypothyroidism, congestive heart failure, damaging neuropathy in my legs and eyes, renal damage, hypercholesterolimia, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and Bipolar-Borderline Disorder (BPD). I am morbidly obese. And I want most of these conditions to stop ruling my life. This is my promise to myself: I am going to be educated and educate others. I am going to take life seriously. I only have this once chance and I don’t want to be dead in the ground before I’m 55 like my father. 

I am dying. Two years ago I was dying faster than I am now, but I have made changes in my life. I have quit smoking for nearly three years now and do not plan on making it part of my life again. I have cut out most processed sugars. The fact of the matter is, my blood sugar being so high for so long has already claimed my legs. It has claimed my eyes, which are going dim from retinal hemorrhaging. I am constantly tired and sad. From the age of sixteen until about one year ago, I didn’t even have a menstrual cycle — not once. (God, I didn’t miss that crap one bit!) I want to live well. I have had a huge addiction to food. I ate my emotions and two and a half years ago, I was over 350 pounds. 

I kid you not, I would go to McDonalds and order a double quarter pounder meal, with an extra McDouble, large with a coke. I would eat it all and sometimes stop and get an ice cream treat someplace. My caloric intake four years ago was nearly 5000+ a day. 

Where I Am Now:
-weight: 221lbs
-height: 5’ 3”
-average blood glucose: 380mmg/dL
-triglycerides: 1300+
-total cholesterol: 310
-hemoglobin A1C: 12.1

My Goal:
-weight: 170lbs
-average blood glucose: 120mmg/dL
-triglycerides: less than 150
-total cholesterol: less than 200
-hemoglobin A1C: ≥6.5

Total Medications:
-Insulin: Lantus, humalog
-Linsinopril
-Crestor
-Synthroid
-Metformin
-Actos
-Effexor XR
-Tramadol
-Clotramazole
(others that I don’t have the bottles for sitting in front of me)

Total Medications Goal:
-Synthroid (hypothyroidism has no cure)
-Metformin (Type 1 diabetes has no cure) 

The Diet:
I am going to be eating a WHOLE FOODS diet. This means no processed sugars, no processed flour or bleached flour. I will be making my own meals by hand. I will be cutting meat out. Only 5% of my total diet will consist of meat or dairy product. This includes all cheeses, meats, milks, ice creams, etc. I will only eat an actual SERVING SIZE. I will only drink water, herbal tea or organic juice with no additives or preservatives. 

Current Calorie Intake Goal: under 1300 calories a day
Average: 900 - 1100 a day, typically 

Day one starts now. Wish me luck!